


show you what all that howl is for

by unadulterated-exasperation (demonicweirdo)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: First Full Moon, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marauders' Era, Mutual Pining, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2015-07-11
Packaged: 2018-04-08 18:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4315956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonicweirdo/pseuds/unadulterated-exasperation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You're part of a minority – wizards won't bloody accept you, muggles won't understand you. You don't fit in anywhere!” Remus' voice was a few decibels away from a shout, and they were all staring at him with wide eyes, jellybeans dropping out of Peter's hand, poised halfway to his mouth.<br/>“But I have you, Moony,” Sirius said quietly. “I have you, don't I?”</p><p>When Hogwarts' population of werewolves grows by one, Remus and Sirius have to figure out how to work around the changes in their lives, or accept that it really changes nothing at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	show you what all that howl is for

**Author's Note:**

> I sorta switched up the HP lore of werewolves, just a little bit, so that Sirius didn't have to be attacked while the werewolf was shifted to turn into one himself, and how they can sorta-shift if they lose their temper. I haven't read the books in ages and in my current situation I don't have access to them, so I hope I didn't make any mistakes  
> Also my first time writing something British, and I loved it! Way easier than American, I had so much fun writing this :) (Still kind of hard to capture the 1960s though)

Remus barely noticed Sirius slipping away from the group. They had all been caught up in watching Peter ask out a seventh year, which was going just as disastrously as they had expected.

“Is he – oh god, he's chewing his nails,” James snickered.

They watched Peter mumble something at the girl, who frowned in confusion while looking down at him. “He looks like he's about to faint,” Remus commented. “Should we do something?”

James shrugged. “You could go get some popcorn if you want.”

The girl shot a look to where James and Remus were watching unabashedly, before scowling at Peter, who flinched at her words. “Ten sickles says that she called him a little creep,” James muttered. He glanced behind him. “Where's Padfoot?”

Remus glanced down the path leading back to Hogwarts, and then the path leading to Hogsmeade. “I don't know. Maybe he found a tree to piss on or something.”

James snorted. “Should we put him out of his misery then?” he asked, inclining his head towards Peter.

Peter glanced back at them, worrying his sleeves, before trudging in their direction, his face red while the girl caught up with her friends.

“What did you say this time?” Remus asked him. “I hope you didn't open with the skin thing. That's just strange.”

Peter pouted. “It's meant to be a compliment.”

James clapped him on the shoulder. “Wormtail, telling a girl her skin is smoother than a baby's bottom is telling her that you're a pedophile who wants to wear her skin like a scarf.”

Peter opened his mouth with an indignant, and probably scathing, reply, when a loud, angry howl filled the air. It sounded victorious and smug, and it filled Remus with dread.

“Was... That wasn't Padfoot, was it?” James asked Remus, his brow furrowed and his voice full of concern.

Wordless, Remus shook his head. The thing inside of him scratched lightly at the walls, wanting a challenge. Remus knew all of Sirius' howls. He knew the playful ones, the mournful ones, the ominous ones. That howl wasn't Padfoot's, it was another werewolf's.

Remus started sprinting down the path heading to Hogsmeade, his eyes searching the white snow desperately for something, some blood, a dead rabbit or just a careless werewolf.

James caught up to him and grabbed the collar of his robe, hauling him to a stop. “Merlins beard, Moony, wait a minute!” he exclaimed, Peter a step behind them. “What's going on?”

Remus shrugged free of his grip. “It was another one, James. That's its hunting howl.”

James stared at him blankly for a second. “Another werewolf?”

Remus hissed out an impatient “ _yes_ ” before turning around and trying to find the source of the howl. “Where's Sirius?” 

James hurried after him, straightening his glasses. “Hold on-”

“James,” came Peter's deadly calm voice. They both spun around to face him and he held his hand up, pointing across the path.

Sirius lay there, in a heap on the ground. The snow was stained red around him, and his eyes were closed, his face slack as though he were asleep. Remus felt something jolt in his chest, and it may have just been his heart breaking.

“Sirius?” he whispered, edging closer cautiously.

James wasn't gentle about it. He rushed to his best friend's side, kneeling next to him and grabbing his face between two palms. “Pads? Hey, hey, come on, Pads, wake up. Come on, mate, don't go... don't go falling asleep on me, yeah?” Jame's voice was rough with shock. He pulled his hands away and rifled through his robes, probably for his wand. Remus noticed the blood on Sirius' face, the gash, just like a claw mark, running down his neck. There were bloodied slashes through his robe, and all Remus could think was _that's my scarf, there's blood on my scarf._

“Go get someone, Moony,” James muttered, pushing his glasses up his nose and taking his wand out. When Remus didn't reply, James glared at him, his face pale with worry and fear. “He's still breathing. Go _get_ someone, Remus!” 

Remus jolted out of his paralysis, his eyes still wide on Sirius. He took a few footsteps back, the crunching of the snow beneath his feet muffled, just like everything else but Sirius and James. He tore his eyes away from Sirius and turned towards Hogsmeade, towards the closest inn. The sickening scent of blood followed him the whole way.

* * *

Everything was so quiet, it was killing them all slowly, one by one. Peter had been the first to break, chewing his nails anxiously and moving his knee up and down, glancing at the door every few seconds as though Sirius would flaunt out dramatically with a cocky smirk.

Remus had taken to curling his fingers into his palm, feeling his sharp nails bite his skin. Because sure, each of them'd had their fair share of visits to the infirmary, usually with a complementary scolding from Madam Pomfrey and a few house points deducted for whatever elaborate prank had landed them there in the first place. But it was never like this, never with the incessant ticking of the clock next to them, never with that unspeakable threat of possibility hanging over their heads that maybe Sirius might not walk out of there.

Remus stifled the urge to hit something and tucked his hands under his thighs, closing his eyes against the daylight streaming through the window.

James was the last to break. He stood up and started pacing, walking to the window and staring out of it, before turning back to his friends. “You said it was a werewolf?” he asked Remus, his voice tight with anger and worry.

Remus, with his eyes still closed, nodded, not trusting his voice to come out steady.

“Why the hell would a werewolf attack him, Moony? Who would-” His voice broke and took a deep, stabilising breath. “Who would do that?”

Remus shook his head, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “I... I don't...” He failed to finish his sentence and they all fell silent again, hyper-aware of their friend who lay in a bed just beyond those doors.

And when they opened, it startled them so much that Peter fell off his seat and Remus jumped. James strode over to McGonagall, peering over her shoulder. “Is he alright? I want to see him.”

McGonagall stared him down with a stern look. “Mr Black is in a stable condition, for now,” she told them all. Remus let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding, and the relief made him light-headed.

“But,” McGonagall continued, “before you can see him, I have something I must say to all of you.” Her eyes were soft but her voice was strong, and Remus nodded. Anything to see Sirius sooner.

James didn't look convinced, but he calmed down slightly, crossing his arms and looking at McGonagall expectantly.

“Mr Black was attacked by a werewolf. By all means, he _is_ a werewolf now.”

Remus went cold, his heart beating fast and loud in his ears.  _Not Sirius. Not him, he can't be. He doesn't deserve it_ . “No,” he whispered, though it came out more like a whimper.

“But...?” Peter asked, picking up on the cue McGonagall had dropped.

“But I'm afraid there are some... complications,” McGonagall continued.

“What does that mean?” James exploded. “He's either a werewolf or not, right? What are you trying to tell us?”

She surveyed them all with a calm look. “Sirius Black is an Animagus,” she said. The shock of being found out didn't even register for the boys, not while their friend was lying in the infirmary. “This has caused some conflict between the existing animal and the werewolf.” For the first time, McGonagall looked uncertain. “I'm not entirely sure what is going to happen.”

Remus shifted his weight from foot to foot. “But, uh, he's going to be okay, right?” His voice sounded rough and small to his own ears, but he couldn't be bothered caring. “S-Sirius, hes going to be fine?”

McGonagall nodded. “It seems that way.” Her voice hardened. “I do not think I need to stress how important it is that news of what has happened doesn't get out. It would be a shame if Mr Black's predicament were the talk of the school. Be that as it may, I am obligated to inform his future employers for the safety of the public, as you well know, Mr Lupin.”

Remus nodded, his eyes drawn over McGonagall's shoulder. One of the beds had the curtains drawn across it, but otherwise the infirmary was empty.

“There is no need for him to be transferred to St Mungo's, but we're keeping him here until the full moon.”

James pushed past her then, at his wits end with the waiting, Remus not far behind. He had gone far too long without seeing Sirius, and there seemed to be some magentic pull to his bed. James ripped the curtain away.

Sirius looked peaceful, asleep. His hair had been parted out of his face and all of the blood cleaned away, though he looked too pale against the dark of his robes.

The thing that caught Remus' eyes was the jagged scar spanning down from behind his ear to his throat and under his robes. It was relatively thin, and wasn't as dramatic as other scars on other werewolves Remus had seen, but it still stole the breath from him. Remus fell into the seat next to Sirius, his knees unable to support him.

James swore under his breath, and Peter ran a hand through his hair. Madam Pomfrey appeared then, with a sympathetic look on her face that Remus couldn't bear to look at. “He's going to be fine,” she assured them.

James grabbed Sirius' hand, and from the whiteness of his knuckles Remus judges that he was squeezing it pretty hard. “Shouldn't he... Shouldn't he be in pain? Is he in pain?”

Pomfrey closed the curtains around them. “I had to do him over with a few sleeping spells. I can't risk him waking before the full moon, so he's going to stay unconscious for the next few days.”

Remus' grip on the arm of the chair tightened, and he looked away from Sirius. He was struck with flashes of St Mungo's, of the blood and the pain of being wrenched in two. That pain was just a memory now, replaced with the fresh pain of seeing his friend and knowing exactly what he was feeling. Sleeping spells did nothing: the dreams were full of rage and agony as well.

“Moony? Hey, Moony,” James called out, but his voice sounded far away. Remus looked up to see Peter hovering over him, a concerned look on his face. He blinked and looked back at Sirius.

Sirius didn't move, or speak, or open his eyes.

* * *

“It's a question of which side will win out,” Lily told them, a book open on her lap. They were all sitting around Sirius' bed, barely any of them had left for anything more than a piss, and Madam Pomfrey had resigned herself to setting up beds for them. Regulus hadn't visited, and as far as Remus knew, he just thought Sirius had been hit with an immobolising hex and wouldn't be in class for a week.

“He's got two animalistic sides to him right now: dog, and werewolf,” Lily continued. James was eating up her every word, and Remus, too, because at least it made them feel a semblance of useful, instead of watching Sirius do nothing and stay as still as the dead. “It's likely that they will merge together, but it's just as likely that the dominant one will endure. So, that being said, we have to question the tenacity of the werewolf gene compared to Sirius' spirit animal.”

James gave her a small, tired smile. “You're brilliant,” he told her.

Lily ducked her head. “I... I don't know what's going to happen to him,” she confided in a hushed whisper, as though she were ashamed, casting a look at Sirius. “I mean, I read these books but I don't  _know_ .”

Remus rubbed a hand down his face. “I don't think anyone's dealt with this before, Lily,” he said tiredly.

James gave him a concerned look. “When was the last time you ate, Remus?”

Remus shrugged. Peter snuffled in his sleep, leaning slightly out of his chair. It would take one light push for him to topple out of his seat.

“You have to eat, Moony. The full moon's tomorrow night, you can't starve yourself. You know how you get when you don't eat enough.”

Remus focused back on Lily, and she gave him a soft, understanding look, before changing the subject back to Sirius. “You know,” she started, “there's a distinct possibility that Sirius' transformation wouldn't be as painful, since he's rather experienced by now.”

“He wouldn't have much control now, would he?” Remus butted in, blurting what had been on his mind for a while. “He's emotional; you all know it. He openly avoids discipline – self-directed or not – and he isn't the best when it comes to control.” Remus swallowed around his dry throat. “He can't do this. He can't be one of us.” Sirius' finger twitched. It would be almost time for his next sleeping spell. Remus wanted nothing more than to see those eyes open and alert crinkled at the corners with a grin.

Lily's hand found his and squeezed it. “He'll be fine, Remus,” she told him. She looked like she wanted to say more, but what else could you say?

“The full moon,” James said, catching Remus' attention. “We were thinking we should be with Sirius. They're going to put him in the dungeons, chain him up.” James' voice hardened with disapproval.

Remus nodded. “I can handle one full moon alone.” He wouldn't want Sirius to. Remus remembers his first full moon as a werewolf and fought back a shudder. He had been completely alone and chained up, but not  _lonely_ . Rather, too crowded in his own body. The distraction of his friends helped him, ever since they had surprised him with their Animagus'. Sirius needed it more than Remus.

* * *

Sirius woke up with every joint in his body screaming, feeling as though they were being roasted over a medium heat until crispy. He was aware of how wrong it was that the thought of roasting his joints made him hungry.

His eyes protested against opening but Sirius was nothing if not willful. A groan accompanied it, escaping out of a sandpaper throat. The first thing he saw was the ceiling of the infirmary, of which he was well-acquainted. No surprise came with the realisation, since he couldn't be aching as much as he was and  _not_ be in the infirmary.

“He's waking up,” an excited voice spoke right next to him in Peter's voice. Sirius winced and lifted a heavy hand, waving it and trying to find Peter so he can push him away.

Instead, his hand got caught by soft, small ones, and Sirius tilted his head to see Lily holding it between her own, a wide smile on her face. “Hey,” she said softly, her voice music to his ears.

She was shoved unceremoniously out of the way by James, who looked like he hadn't washed up in days. His hair was messier than usual, his glasses askew on his face and dark purple bruises under his eyes. “Padfoot!” he exclaimed, his smile blinding.

Sirius groaned again, squeezing his eyes shut. “Go 'way,” he mumbled.

James' hand was at his shoulder and shaking it. “Stay awake, mate, I want to see those beautiful eyes.”

Sirius' glare held no heat. “You're a tosser, Potter. What am I doing here?” His voice was hoarse and his throat was screaming for some water, but he held out for an answer.

James and Lily exchanged looks. “It was the full moon last night,” he said cautiously.

Sirius frowned. His memory was foggy, in bits and pieces, but last he remembered it was a good week before the full moon. “Where's Moony? Is he okay?” Sirius asked, struggling to sit up. Peter helped him, and Lily handed him the glass of water on the bedside table.

James glanced over his shoulder. “Yeah, he's... a bit more battered than usual. Pads... what do you remember?”

Sirius frowned. “About the full moon? Nothing.” A hint of panic crawled through him. “Why can't I remember anything?”

Lily pulled James away, leveling Sirius with a calm look. “Sirius, you were attacked outside Hogsmeade.”

Sirius' eyes widened. “I was? Was it Snape?” It was probably Snape. Snape had threatened to get him back for the Itching Hex Sirius placed on his trousers.

Lily didn't even roll her eyes. “No, no, it was...” She struggled to gather her words. “Sirius, it was a werewolf. Not Remus,” she added hastily.

Sirius glanced around at her, James, and Peter. “A werewolf,” he repeated. “I was attacked. By a werewolf. Which means I'm a werewolf.” No one ever said Sirius wasn't bright.

James nodded soberly. “How do you feel?”

Sirius lifted his arms and dropped them again. “Exhausted. Tired. Hurt. Heavy.” He shook his head to clear it. “I'm a werewolf,” he repeated faintly.

“That's just the thing,” Peter said. “You're kind of not.”

Sirius gave him a flat look. “I do so appreciate those vague comments of yours that explain nothing while I'm a  _fucking werewolf_ , Peter.”

Peter shrugged, eyeing up the snacks on the table. “You're an Animagus, too. It was weird... You look more wolf than Remus ever has.”

Lily shuddered, and Sirius caught it. “It was...”

“Scary,” James finished for her. “You were bloody savage.” There was a haunted look in his eyes that Sirius didn't like. “We were in the dungeon.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “The dungeons? Where the hell was Remus? Where is he now?” Sirius demanded, ignoring the twinge of pain that came with trying to get out of bed.

James held him back. “I told you, he's fine. I think... Sirius, he's not taking it so well. You being a werewolf.”

“Neither am I!” Sirius shouted, his temper frayed by his exhaustion. “My family – my _mother_ , dear god she's going to skin me alive,” he said, faintly horrified. “Does Regulus know?”

James shook his head. “Everyone assumed you were caught in some paralysing hex from a Ravenclaw. McGonagall hasn't told anyone yet, not even your parents. She doesn't seem to care about the whole Animagus thing either.”

Sirius sat back. “Wow,” he said. “I'm a werewolf.” The shock had worn off slightly, though he assumed the subtle disbelief would follow him throughout his whole life.

“Are you okay?” Lily asked him. She put a hand on James' shoulder and gave Sirius a searching look.

Sirius shrugged. “Do I have a scar? Chicks dig scars.” The joke was flat, and no one laughed of grinned or rolled their eyes. “I want to see Moony.”

James nodded. “He's still asleep. He kind of went nuts in there.” He tried for a smile. “You had to go get mauled, didn't you? What are we going to do with two of you running around like lunatics?”

Sirius grinned. “Buy one of those leashes. I want a studded collar.”

“Can I have your chocolate frogs?” Peter asked, chewing his fingernails.

Sirius snatched a few up hastily. “No, get your own you greedy git. You can have the jellybeans.”

Peter pulled a face but took them anyway, and James stole a chocolate frog. “You're pretty, you know. As a wolf. You looked a lot like you do as a dog.”

Sirius laid a hand over his heart. “Was that a compliment? From James Potter? Be still my beating heart.”

Lily snorted and James rolled his eyes. “Don't get too worked up. I'm a happily shackled man,” he said, grinning down at Lily, who scoffed but kissed him anyway.

Sirius threw a chocolate frog at them. “Hey, no. I'm the bedridden one here, if anyone should be getting snogged, it's me.”

“Sirius?” a small, tired voice came from the foot of his bed.

Sirius looked up into Remus' eyes, taking in the bruises that had begun to fade under the ministrations of Madam Pomfrey, and the self-inflicted scars on his arms. He was holding himself tightly, like he always did after a full moon, and there was something new inside Sirius that recognised him, that singled him out as  _IMPORTANT_ .

Sirius grinned. “Hey, Remus. How're you holding up?”

Remus shrugged, offering up a small smile of his own and taking a step closer. He was always a little sub-vocal the morning after. “Alright. You?”

Sirius let his grin soften into a friendly smile. “Better now that you've decided to show your ugly mug.” He tilted his head at Remus, an unfamiliar uncertainty surrounding them. There was this big thing between them now, this lycanthropic elephant in the room, and Remus looked uncomfortable, avoiding Sirius' eyes.

“Do you remember who did this to you, Pads?” James spoke up, breaking the weird tension between his friends.

Sirius shrugged, thinking back to his last coherent memory. Peter was asking out that Marjorie Flutterfeather girl – always been a bit of a loony to be honest, Sirius never saw the appeal in her – and then....

And then Sirius had remembered that Valentines day was coming up. He had left the others, because years ago he had found the perfect store for the perfect gift. He remembered vividly: the nervous stutter of his breath, the little daydream of how his gift would be received that had somehow turned into a rejection that Sirius was trying not to think about and then – a man. Drunk, obviously, and staggering across the path from Hogsmeade. His nostrils had flared, like Sirius' did when he picked up a scent, and-

Sirius jerked himself out of his thoughts. “Some drunken idiot.” He waved a hand. “Not really important though, is it? He's gone, and what's done is done.” He chanced a look at Remus and found a broken expression on his face as he moved to sit in one of the chairs surrounding the bed.

“So you're not angry?” James asked in disbelief. “You don't want to find him?”

“Of course I want to fucking find him, I want to ram his wand up his arse, James, but right now? I'm too tired to care,” Sirius replied. It wasn't completely uncharacteristic – when Sirius was tired, the world could bloody end for all the good it did.

Remus still wasn't looking at him, but his jaw was clenched in a display of anger. Sirius realised how horrible it must have been, to have all those memories brought back up of his own transformation. “Moony,” Sirius said gently. Remus looked up at him, their eyes meeting for a split second before he stared stubbornly at the end of the bed. “Moony, stop looking like the world has bloody ended, would you?”

“You're a werewolf, Sirius,” Remus reminded him quietly.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Pot, kettle, black. You've turned out alright, haven't you?” It sounded less rhetorical than Sirius expected, as though he were seeking reassurance that everything would be alright, that he could carry on as he always did. That Sirius wouldn't become some savage creature roaming the woods in search of little children to eat like the werewolf stories his parents told him.

Remus picked at a thread on his sleeve, and James replied for him. “Apart from that stick up his arse, sure. You've got me and Wormtail, Pads, you're going to be fine.” The lack of Remus' name rang through Sirius' mind, and he looked back at his friend. Did that mean no more full-moon runs together, no more frolicking in the gamekeeper's old gardens?

“No, it's not fine,” Remus bit out in that tone that suggested they were all in for a lecture. “It's the furtherest from fine! You're a _werewolf_ , Sirius. You're part of a minority – wizards won't bloody accept you, Muggles won't understand you. You don't fit in anywhere!” Remus' voice was a few decibels away from a shout, and they were all staring at him with wide eyes, jellybeans dropping out of Peter's hand, poised halfway to his mouth.

“You won't be able to get a decent job, get married to a decent bird, or have a batch of kids, because you'll be lucky if people see you as a human. You should be angry, because I am _furious_!” Remus' chest was heaving by the time he had finished ranting, and although his voice hadn't been too loud, Sirius could still hear it ringing in his ears.

James opened his mouth to say something, probably some misguided way to remedy the situation, but Sirius interrupted him. “But I have you, Moony,” he said quietly. “I have you, don't I?” _I do, I do, I do, I have you._

It happened almost automatically: Sirius opened his arms just in time for Remus to fly into them, and it was different this time, different from all the other times they had hugged. Sure, Sirius was still hyper-aware of all the places where their body's met, where Remus' breath tickled the hair just behind his ear, but this time he got the urge to hug tighter. In an instant, a part of him felt closer to Remus than anyone else in the room, including James.

* * *

Remus woke up alone, which was definitely not unusual. What was unusual, however, was the feeling that he _shouldn't_ be waking up alone.

Remus groaned and lifted himself up, peering around the infirmary. The sun was high, streaming through the windows and right into his face. His muscles were still aching from the transformation, and the scratched on his arms, now almost healed, stung harshly. His head was pounding harder than it had for a long time. It had to have been one of the worst full moons Remus had experienced in a long time.

He tried not to think about how he had shared the bed with Sirius. He tried not to think about the disappointment sinking in his stomach from waking up without Sirius. For a few moments, everything had been alright. His best friend was alive and smiling, looking and acting the same. James was cracking jokes and Lily was being her usual genius self. Peter had been stealing people's food.

But it didn't distract from the fact that everything had changed. That Sirius was now fated to a miserable life. Remus had been fine with facing it by himself, but Sirius had so much more going for him. He shuddered to think what his parents would do if they ever found out.

“Remus?” Madam Pomfrey called from her office, her kind eyes seeking him out. “You're clear to go.” She turned back to whatever she was doing, and Remus was dismissed.

He made his way to the dorm, catching a few of those curious looks from first years. Anyone older than that were used to Remus walking back, looking worse for wear, from the infirmary.

James, Sirius, and Peter were in the dorm when Remus entered, and from all the stairs he'd had to take to get there, Remus' legs were screaming in protest.

Something flew at his face and Remus ducked, before heading for his bed. James' obnoxious laughter filled the air. “Moony!” he called out. “Moony, are you up for a mission tonight?”

Remus sat on his bed and raised his eyebrows. “Depends. Is it physically grueling?”

Sirius scoffed, waving a hand dismissively, sitting cross-legged on the floor. Remus noted that while he looked slightly paler than usual, and there were dark circles under his eyes, Sirius didn't look like he was suffering from anything other than a mild hangover. “Of course not. James hexed Snivellus' robes to catch on fire every time he said 'mudblood', and he wants to duel in the courtyard.”

Remus nodded his head wearily. “So that means we're going to set a bunch of booby traps and wait for him to walk into one before he gets there.”

Sirius beamed at him, and Remus' mood improved marginally. There was no correlation between the two occurrences. Definitely not. “I knew you'd understand.” He stood up with his usual enthusiasm and winced. “I think I tried to claw out my liver last night,” he mumbled, his fingers probing his stomach.

James swatted his leg. “You killed your liver ages ago, Pads. Remember when you stole all that firewhiskey from your dad and threw a dorm party?”

Sirius grimaced. “No, actually. I remember nothing of that night.”

Remus shook his head, marveling at how a life-ruining event such as obtaining lycanthropy could be integrated into their everyday routine already. Peter's a virgin. James is completely whipped by Lily. Sirius turns furry at the full moon. Remus eats chocolate like a fish drinks water. And also happens to turn furry at the full moon.

Sirius looked up at him, his eyes beseeching. “ _Moony_ ,” he started, drawing it out. Remus was sold already, goddammit. “We need you to make some of those potions you're always on about.”

Remus sighed. “Sirius-”

“We'll get all the ingredients!” James cut in eagerly, tapping his wand against his homework. It Transfigured into a paper plane and whizzed around the dorm before crashing into Sirius' backside, who yelped. “Well, _I'll_ get the ingredients, since Sirius took it upon himself to get bitten by a werewolf.”

Sirius gave James a flat look. “That's victim blaming, you nutter. Contrary to popular belief, I don't actually go around asking people to attack me.”

Remus snorted. “Last month you tried to get Gregory Simmonds to punch you in the face so he'd get detention.”

Sirius met his eyes with a smug look. “It worked, didn't it? See, there is method to my madness. And I've forgotten the point I was trying to make now. Will you do it or not?”

“I've done enough sleeping anyway,” Remus muttered, staring at the pile of homework he was meant to get done during the week instead of indisposing himself to Sirius' bedside.

Peter finally spoke up from where he was reading on his bed. “Can I come with? If we're raiding Slughorn's office, that is. I saw a few chocolate frog cards there that I wouldn't mind pinching.”

James snorted. “You're a right tool, Wormy. Chocolate frog cards? I'm sorry, I must have time travelled back to when we were all snotty twelve year olds.”

Sirius flopped onto his bed with flair, grunting in pain, and Remus' cuts throbbed empathetically for him. Without the usual gang, the wolf had been hard on him last night.

“Don't you know, Prongs? Pete's five cards away from the whole collection. Which means he could sell it for a fortune. As far as I'm concerned, he's the only one of us with an eye for opportunity. Moony, you smell like Snivellus' hair.”

Remus sniffed his armpit and pulled a face. “Yeah, I do.” He shot a helpless look at his homework, before dragging himself to his feet and ambling towards the bathroom.

The shower was heaven on earth, and Remus very nearly sobbed with relief as the hot water cut through the dirt and grime of the Shrieking Shack, and some leftover blood from some leftover cuts that Pomfrey hadn't managed to find.

Unfortunately, as showers do, it presented an opportunity for Remus to sift through all the thoughts that lay deep in his mind. Namely, the ones about Sirius, since he seemed to have taken up center stage in Remus' life at the moment. “At the moment” being ever since Remus met him, actually.

There were definite complications to sort out, them both being creatures of the night. Remus' temper would shorten the closer it got to the full moon, and Sirius used to be a grounding force, someone to shoulder the weight himself instead of letting Remus go at it alone. Obviously, that wasn't going to happen anymore. Remus was struck with the sudden vision of him and Sirius fighting, shoving at each other, getting into a fist fight over the silliest things.

He sighed and leaned his forehead against the cold tiles of the shower, letting the water run down his body with no real purpose.

* * *

“Is this what it's like to have a period, then?” Sirius asked Lily, making sparks fly from his wand and crackle in the air.

Lily turned to lie on her stomach and observe Sirius. “I never thought I would say this to a guy, but I'd say your monthly affliction is much, much worse than mine.”

Sirius pulled a face and turned the sparks purple. “I just don't understand the logistics of it all.”

“Periods, or lycanthropy?”

“Both. Come on, Evans, give us a lesson. Will I acquire a craving for raw meat?”

Lily rolled her eyes and picked at the grass underneath the tree that they had charmed the snow from, her red hair falling about her face. “Sure. And you'll also develop a need to piss on every tree you come across.” She adopted an innocent look. “Oh, wait, you did that already.”

Sirius laughed. “Shove off, I was a gentleman-like canine.”

Lily sighed, rolling on to her back and staring at the sunlight filtering through the leaves of the tree they were lying under in fragmented rays. “Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Remus more qualified to teach you about this?”

Sirius' sparks fizzled out. “You're not wrong.” He brushed his hair out of his face, tugging at one of the strands contemplatively. “He's been brooding. I haven't actually spoken to him since we-” He cut himself off and glanced sideways at Lily. “Since a few days ago” It wouldn't be wise to mention how _they_ were the cause of Snape's temporary green hair. Lily suspected, of course she did, but she was more inclined to turn a blind eye since he started calling her a mudblood.

Lily frowned. “I'm not saying it's strange, because it's _Remus_ , but shouldn't he be helping you with this kind of thing? Have you had any real problems yet?”

Sirius shrugged. “I almost clawed Diggle's face off in Charms. Funny thing was, he was only being himself.”

Lily snorted. “That'll do it.” Her expression tightened in worry. “I think I'm going to talk to Remus.”

Sirius shook his head. “He'll come 'round. It's got to be hard for him, you know. Bringing up bad memories and all.”

“That's no excuse to just abandon his best friend, Pads. I know you put on a front but being a werewolf isn't all frolics in the garden. You're lucky McGonagall hasn't told anyone about it.”

Sirius grunted in agreement. “Good thing I'm living with the Potters now, isn't it? If my mother found out, she'd do worse than burn me off the bloody family tree. She'd send hunters herself.”

Lily's mouth twisted up in distaste, as it always did when Sirius' family was brought up. She was the embodiment of all they stood against, so it wasn't easy for her to hear about the kind of people Sirius had grown up around. “Your family are a bunch of tossers, Sirius. You have enough to deal with, being a werewolf, without all the bigotry and... and the _racism_.”

Sirius stretched his legs out from under him and crossed them non-nonchalantly. “I can handle it, Evans. I've spent my whole life surrounded by idiots who condemn me for the people I choose to associate myself with and the decisions I make in my life, I think I can ignore the whole wizarding society as a whole.”

Lily shook her head. “You won't be able to get a job.”

“Sure I will. Muggles don't believe in magic, remember?” Sirius grinned at the abashed look on Lily's face. She wandered around the castle with her mouth open like a gormless idiot for the first two years, and sometimes she still had trouble believing all the possibilities of magic.

“Yeah, true.” She paused. “What would you do, then? For a Muggle job, I mean.”

“Parade around street corners,” James interrupted, sauntering up to them with his hands in his pockets. “Watch it around my girl, Pads. I can't compete with your deep and meaningful conversations.”

“Because every time you see me you try to suck my face off, you dick,” Lily replied good-naturedly. “Have you seen Remus?”

James frowned. “Sure. Moping about in the library.” He looked to Sirius. “Are you going to do something about that, mate?”

“Me? What did _I_ do?” Sirius asked defensively.

James shrugged. “Nothing, but you're the only one who can get through to him when he's in one of his moods. Anyone would think he's a bloody girl, the way he's carrying on.”

“Oi,” Lily snapped, whacking James' knee. “I'll show you how a girl carries on.”

James waggled his eyebrows. “Will you?”

Sirius groaned and pushed himself up, brushing a hand through his hair. “I don't need to be here for this,” he muttered. “You two have no sense of propriety.” He started walking back to the castle.

“Careful, Padfoot,” James called after him. “Your superior breeding is showing!”

Sirius flipped him off over his shoulder and trudged up to the herbology corridor, passing a haggle of third-year girls, who gave him curious looks before tittering at each other. Sirius had gotten a few odd looks from the scar on his neck, but he had been lucky; the truly ugly ones covered his torso and back.

It had gotten to the point where Sirius wasn't too keen on changing in front of the boys, and he could tell they noticed. Remus would grip his shirt just a little tighter before pulling it over his head, like Sirius' reluctance to bare his scars was rubbing off on him. James peeked a few times, but whenever Sirius felt anyone's eyes hot on his scars, something in him, something primal and not fond of being backed into corners, would snap defensively, and he'd have to reign in his defensiveness.

Sirius kicked a rock across the corridor, following it with his eyes, before it was trapped under a slippered foot. He looked up to see the kind old eyes of Professor Dumbledore.

“Sirius,” he greeted warmly. “How are you?”

Sirius gave him a lop-sided grin. “Alright, professor.”

Dumbledore's eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled. “Good to hear it.” His demeanor changed slightly, more seriously. “I understand that, due to circumstances at the Black household, you are staying with the Potters?”

Sirius nodded, not sure what Dumbledore was getting at. “Mrs Potter said she's going about getting some records changed so I'll officially live there.”

“You understand I'm going to have to inform the Potters of your... incident, are you not?” Dumbledore's voice hadn't lost its warmth but Sirius went cold anyway. He had completely forgotten about the Potters. They were good people, sure, but it's understandable if they didn't want a werewolf living under their roof.

Sirius swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Uh. I am now.”

Dumbledore nodded to himself. “And Sirius? After being made aware of your... previous transformative tendencies, I would like to ask something of you, if you wouldn't mind.”

“Okay,” Sirius replied cautiously. They were walking on thin ice here: McGonagall hadn't turned them in, and Dumbledore obviously knew, but who else? The ground suddenly didn't feel solid enough.

“I would just like to ask if you can still... transform into your Animagus,” Dumbledore asked cheerfully, albeit with a low voice.

Sirius blinked, the world reshifting a bit, caught off-guard in his paranoia. “Uh... To be honest, professor, I've never really tried.” Alarm bells were ringing in his head, because having a conversation about illegal Animagus transformations while you're secretly a werewolf with the one person with the power to expel you tended to give Sirius a warning headache. “I'm not entirely sure why you haven't reported me yet, sir.” Sirius silently cursed himself for bringing it up, and resolved to become mute.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. “Why don't you ask Professor McGonagall about the circumstances of her Animagus? And keep me updated.” With a friendly wink, Dumbledore ambled off, humming – Dear god, was that a _Beatles_ song?

Sirius shook his head, thoroughly confused. Conversations with Dumbledore tended to do that to you.

“Right,” he mumbled to himself. “The library.”

Once he got there, exhausted by the walk across the castle, the bell rang for the next class, and Sirius' free period was over. Which, of course, meant nothing to him. He could afford to miss a lesson of Divination.

He caught Remus as he was walking around the corner from the History section, stopping him in his tracks with a hand to his chest. “Moony! Fancy meeting you here.”

Remus tensed under his hand and gave Sirius a wary look. “What do you want?”

Sirius dropped his hand. “Harsh,” he answered, brushing his hair out of his face. His fingers caught on his scar lightly, and he fought back a shiver. “You've been avoiding me.”

Remus didn't even try to deny it. “I've got class.” He shouldered past Sirius and Sirius turned with him, matching their steps and bumping his shoulder.

“So?”

“So what?”

Sirius repressed a sigh. Nothing was more annoying than Remus deflecting. “So, are you going to say anything? You've been a right pain for the last few days.”

Remus was quiet for a moment. “No thanks, I'm good.”

Sirius turned his head to look at him, studying his profile. His jaw was clenched and his eyes seemed faraway, like they did when he was lost in his head. “We're skipping Divination.”

“We've got an exam on Friday,” Remus protested. “In case you didn't notice, I need to catch up if I want to pass.”

Sirius waved a hand dismissively. “It's not my fault you moped over my unconscious body for a week, Remus. Besides, I'm amazing at Divination. I'll help you.”

It was a testament to their friendship that Sirius could feel the vibes of discontent rolling off Remus, heavy in the silence that fell between them, but Remus didn't say anything else. He stopped and leaned against the wall next to the girls' lavatories, raising an eyebrow at Sirius in that irresistibly cocky way of his.

“So what do we do then? Talk about our feelings over a bowl of ice cream and hug each other?”

Sirius leaned against the wall next to him, shoving his hands in his pocket. “That sounds like an idea, Moony, but why don't we start with why you run off like a scared little rabbit every time you see me? Afraid of the big bad wolf?” Sirius grinned, flashing his teeth, and Remus gave him an unimpressed look.

“In case you didn't notice, everything has changed, Sirius,” Remus answered seriously.

“It never had to,” Sirius snapped. “Merlin's pants, Remus, this isn't even _about_ you. This is _me_ , and _I_ ' _m_ the one who needs you to help me with this.”

Remus shook his head. “I can't help you,” he said, and his voice was weak and quiet, as though he were admitting a shameful secret. “I don't know how, I'm barely managing this myself. I don't-” He cut himself off with a small groan of frustration, and Sirius' eyes followed the movement of his head as he ducked it, brushing a hand through his hair and making it stick up.

“Is that was this is?” Sirius asked, his voice calmer and curious. “You're feeling guilty because you don't know how to help me?” Remus didn't nod, but he didn't shake his head either, so Sirius took that as a yes. “Christ, Moony, you're completely bonkers, you know that?”

Remus lifted his head, his brow furrowed as he stared back at Sirius, their eyes meeting properly for the first time in too long. “What?” he asked defensively.

Sirius grinned at him, reaching over and hooking his fingers around Remus' skewed tie, pulling it into place. “I don't need a teacher, or a mentor. I just need you.” Remus tilted his head, his eyebrows raised in a silent question, and Sirius amended his statement to sound less like a declaration of intent. “I need you to be here, Remus.” His fingers brushed over Remus' chest lightly before tucked his hands back into his pockets. “Just be here. That's all I need.” _Still sounds like a bloody love confession_.

If Sirius didn't know any better, he'd think that Remus' cheeks were tinged pink with a blush, but it was probably just the cold air or something. Remus offered him a small smile, and suddenly the past few days had vanished, and the ever-present and unpleasant tingling of Sirius' scars disappeared, replaced with relief. “We're good, yeah?”

Remus nodded. “Yeah.” He hesitated for a second, before asking, “Why did he attack you, Sirius?”

Sirius stared down at his non-regulation combat boots, shaking some melting snow from one of them. “I told you, I don't know.”

“Yes, you did, but you were also lying. We were just too polite to mention it.”

Sirius shrugged. “I don't want to talk about it.” He caught Remus' eye. “Not right now, at least. Right now, I want to sneak into Filch's office and steal back the map.”

“I think I should hold on to it from now on,” Remus said as they both pushed off from the wall and headed the opposite direction from Divination. “Considering every time you've got it Mrs Norris sniffs you out. Either that or you use a different soap.”

Sirius pulled an indignant face. “I've only had it confiscated – what, six times?”

“Eight.”

“Eight. Right. Better than nine, right?” He gave Remus a lop-sided grin and twisted to walk backwards in front of him. “Think you can do that illusion charm thingy again?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “I spend three months creating a new spell, and you can't bother to give it a decent name.”

“My creative nature is needed elsewhere, Moony. The seventh years have asked me to think up a legendary prank for the last day of school. I was thinking something with pygmy puffs and cloning spells. A bunch of 'em, raining down from the ceiling during the end of year speech.”

Remus shook his head. “That's weak. I'm actually embarrassed for you.”

Sirius laughed and turned back around, falling back into step with Remus. “Shove off, I've got a few months to think of something better. I've been a little preoccupied, you know,” he said, glancing up at Remus.

Remus nodded. “Lycanthropy will do that to you,” he replied quietly.

Sirius had meant preoccupied with Remus, but sure, lycanthropy works. Though it wasn't a tendency to go furry at the full moon that drove Sirius away from his mates that day.

Sirius paused. “Remus? I uh...” He scratched at his ear, feeling Remus' eyes on him. “So I have a few questions, obviously.”

Remus raised an eyebrow, and Sirius looked quickly away from him, focusing on the architecture of the corridors. “What do you want to know?” Remus asked, his voice amused.

“Do you ever feel the urge to rip someone's heart out of their chest and shove it down their throat?”

Remus kept staring at him for a moment, before he quirked his lips in a smile. “Snape?”

Sirius nodded. “He called Lily a mudblood again. I mean, I've always wanted to publicly humiliate the git, but I've never actually wanted to _kill_ him.” Sirius had to shove his hands in his pockets to hide the claws that had started to poke into his palm while Lily shot Snape down with a withering and condescending look.

“When I was first turned, I got angry at the littlest things. My dad took my blanket away, and I was so pissed off I ripped all of his cardigans up,” Remus told him. They heard footsteps from around the corner and Remus pulled Sirius into an adjoining corridor, pressed close to the wall and peering around the corner, waiting for the footsteps to fade.

“You were such a little twat,” Sirius breathed, smirking at Remus. He glanced around the corner, which was clear, and let Remus push him back into it.

“It's a werewolf thing. Wolves are pack animals, and if your pack is threatened, or your territory is compromised, you get protective.”

“I've never seen you get protective over anything but your damn books, Moony.”

Remus shrugged, flashing Sirius a smug grin. “I hide it. I'm better at this werewolf gig than you.” He was quiet for a moment, contemplative. “Do you – uh – do you think we'd be able to have a full moon together?”

Sirius tilted his head, thinking about it. “I don't know. We're pack animals, right? Unless you don't view me as pack.” The joke probably came out more serious than he had intended, but Remus didn't seem to notice Sirius' insecurity.

“Not willingly,” he responded.

“So we won't attack each other,” Sirius said, ignoring Remus' reply.

Remus shook his head. “I don't... It's dangerous. I mean, you've got the whole Animagus thing going on, and-”

“Are you scared of me, Moony?” Sirius asked, a grin taking over his face. Remus scowled at him.

“No. Just. We need to be careful, is all.” He took out his wand as they came to Filch's door, and Remus exchanged a look with Sirius.

Sirius patted him on the shoulder briefly, before moving off to hid behind one of the random statues in the corridor while Remus worked his magic.

* * *

Sirius woke up to someone shoving him and swearing. He was freezing, even as he registered the blanket draped over him, and every single bone in his body ached.

“Padfoot, you big lump, get off me,” James' voice hissed. Sirius jerked back and opened his eyes, seeing James scowling from above him.

“James?” he slurred. “Hey.” Even speaking twinged the ache in his face

“Don't 'hey' me, you git,” James snapped, though his eyes were soft with concern as his hands hovered over Sirius' body. “You and Remus...”

Sirius struggled to sit up, his skin pulling at his bruises and making his breath hiss between his teeth. “Where – is he okay?”

James helped him up with a hand to his elbow, and Sirius leaned against him, looking around the room. Remus lay curled up on the floor, still sleeping. His face was a little bruised, and there were a few shallow cuts on his neck and arms, but nothing extensive. Remus actually looked to be in a peaceful sleep for once..

Peter was lying next to Remus, sucking his thumb.

Sirius narrowed his eyes at James. “What are you on about?”

James pulled a face. “That was the worst full moon of my life, Padfoot. Do you want to know why?”

Sirius sighed. “I strongly suspect you're going to tell me.” There was no stopping one of James' rants, he was like an avalanche when he was packing a fit.

“First you and Remus won't go near each other, you just stared at each other for a full hour. And then you went and sniffed butts, and I thought 'Oh, everything is fine, now we can have fun!' But no, you and Moony went and rounded us up like bloody _sheep._ ” He jerked his thumb behind him. “This was a puppy pile, Sirius. A fucking _puppy pile_.”

A surprised laugh bubbled out of Sirius, and James gave him a dark look. “James, I expected a lot worse, trust me.” He cast a look at Remus, whose hair had fallen in his eyes. “I think we can make this work.”

James huffed and shoved good-naturedly at his shoulder. “Of course we can, mate, we're the Marauders. I'm not going to lie, I expected one or both of you to wake up bloody with missing limbs.”

Sirius inspected a large – but shallow – cut on his forearm. His head was pounding, his bones were aching with the occasional sharp stab of pain, and overall it was worse than that hangover from consuming ten pints of firewhiskey, but he was happy. He was  _ecstatic_ , because he hadn't been mauled, Remus hadn't been mauled, and Remus was doing this cute nose scrunchy-up thingy that he only did when he was having good dreams.

James punched him in the shoulder. “Oi, stop mooning over Moony, you girl.”

Sirius fought to keep the blush out of his cheeks and scowled at his best friend. “Who was it that carried Evans' book for a full week after flirting with Rosa Carmine?”

“That's called doting on the love of my life,” James protested.

“That's called being whipped, mate.” Sirius sucked in a harsh breath as he tried to stand up. He was already exhausted and he'd just woken up, but it wasn't like the usual sleep-deprived tiredness. More like a bone-deep exhaustion. The wolf in him was begging for a nap, too.

Sirius wasn't one to be modest when it comes to his own nudity, but he looked at Remus for a split second before throwing the blanket at him.

James shot him a knowing look, the smug idiot. Just like every full moon Remus had woken up in his birthday suit for a few months now. At least they had charmed the Shack with heating spells, or Sirius wouldn't be so considerate of his friend's modesty and keep the blanket for himself.

He wasn't an Animagus anymore, which sucked. Apparently his wolf form was more canine than Remus', but that was the only thing that remained of his Animagus, and he's not going to lie, he missed it. At least there was less pain and more awareness, more of a sense of liberty.

“Ugh,” Peter muttered, picking himself up from the floor. He rolled his shoulders. “That was the most uncomfortable sleep I've had on a full moon.” He glared at Sirius.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Not my fault, Wormtail.” He tapped the side of his head. “I wasn't in my right mind.”

Remus groaned from the floor, wrapping the blanket tighter around himself and opening his eyes slowly.

James huffed and patted Remus on the shoulder. “Now that mum and dad's awake, can we leave?”

Sirius raised an eyebrow at him, acutely aware of how his body was exposed to the freezing air. “Aren't you going to play nurse?” he asked. “Take inventory of our wounds?”

James shrugged off his robe and tossed it at Sirius, who put it on gratefully. “I watched you two all night, you didn't even bite each other. Which was stupid. I had my money on Remus.”

Sirius made a noise of indignation, and Peter helped Remus up, who went searching for the clothes they had stashed. “Where's the loyalty? Where's the faith in me?”

“We're not race horses,” Remus muttered, pulling on a pair of pants. “We could've seriously hurt each other. I could've killed him.”

“Or I could've killed you,” Sirius added. Remus gave him a doubtful look, and Sirius scowled at him. “I could take you.”

Remus passed him a pair of pants. “Sure you could,” he answered indulgently.

Sirius' eyes caught in Remus deftly buttoning up his shirt, and he must have stared for a beat too long, because when he tuned back in, there was an awkward kind of silence.

“We should celebrate,” Sirius exclaimed, perhaps too loudly, biting his lips through the pain as he tugged the trousers on. “On not killing each other and everyone else.”

Remus snorted. “For most people, that's a normal occurrence.”

Sirius didn't bother buttoning his own shirt, and threw an arm around Remus' shoulder. “We're Creatures of the Night, Moony. We don't owe these people anything. _They_ should be rewarding us.”

Remus squirmed uncomfortably under Sirius' arm. “You're a bad influence on me, Pads.”

“Sure, because you're a picture of sainthood,” James scoffed. “Remind me again who decided to go streaking across the grounds, drunk off his face.”

Sirius nodded solemnly. “I was a good little rich kid before I met you, Remus. James hadn't even touched firewhiskey. Peter always handed his homework in on time.”

“'Good' isn't a word I'd use to describe you,” Remus replied, shaking Sirius' arm off his shoulders.

Sirius waggled his eyebrows. “Bad? _Naughty_?”

Remus' laugh came out a bit strained, and he kept his gaze resolutely at his feet, declining to answer.

“What is going on with you guys?” Peter asked, a furrow to his brow. “You've both been acting strange around each other lately, even before Sirius was mauled.”

James smacked him on the head. “It's one of those things we know but don't acknowledge, Wormtail. Shut it.”

Peter rubbed his head and scowled at Sirius, as though it was all his fault, but Sirius was staring at Remus, who was giving him a contemplative look. It was the look that ushered in danger, the look that told anyone who saw it that Remus isn't the boring pod-person he seemed to be at first glance.

It made Sirius really, really nervous.

* * *

Remus had noticed, contrary to popular belief. He had noticed Sirius acting weird since Christmas the year before, paying more attention to Remus, holding eye contact for longer and more uncomfortable periods of time, and spending more time in the library.

It hadn't occurred to Remus to decipher Sirius' actions, not until now, with Peter pointing it out. And now he was thinking through every single one of their interactions, which was a lot considering they were best friends.

Remus was still trying to figure it out three days later, at The Three Broomsticks.

“You alright, Moony?” James asked, wiping a butterbeer mustache from his top lip and giving Remus a concerned look. “You look like you need to throw up.”

Remus cast a furtive look at Sirius, who seemed to be deep in thought and playing with his glass. “Yeah. Sure. I'm fine.”

James gave him a look of disbelief, but fortunately dropped the subject, instead stealing Peter's butterbeer and downing it before Peter could tear his eyes away from the group of girls at the table opposite.

“What if I made the pygmy puffs spontaneously combust?” Sirius mused out loud.

“That's rather cruel, isn't it? You know all the best serial killers started with pygmy puffs,” Remus pointed out, his eyes sharp on Sirius when he focused on him, studying him.

Sirius pulled a face. “I would cast a fire-repellent Charm, Moony, I'm not cruel.” His lips curled into a smirk that had Remus forcing down a blush and looking away.

“I still think it's weak, Pads,” James told him. “Besides, isn't the point of a senior prank being that the seniors think up the prank? Lazy sods, they all are.”

Sirius waved a hand. “You're just jealous because they came to me and not you.” He paused and tilted his head at Remus, who had been staring at him. “Have I got something on my face?” He wiped at his upper lip, raising an eyebrow at Remus.

This time Remus _did_ flush, and he struggled to find an answer. He wasn't used to _this_ , used to the extra attention Sirius paid him. He was struck with the sudden realisation that Sirius had figured it out, figured out the reason behind Remus' lack of dates, Remus' severity when Sirius had been attacked, or his reluctance to hear about Sirius' many sexual exploits.

A second wave of rationalism reassured Remus that Sirius couldn't possibly know, and that he was just freaking out because Sirius was acting weird, but when didn't act weird?

“Only the usual grease and dirt,” James quipped, flashing a cocky grin at Sirius while nudging Remus with his knee.

Remus gave him a grateful look and pushed the glass away. “Should we head back? I'm bored.”

Peter downed his beer and started choking, James patting him on the back and snickering.

“You guys go ahead,” Sirius told them, standing up from the table. “I'll meet you in the dorm.”

“Last time we let you wander off, you got mau-”

“- _mugged_ ,” James interrupted loudly, slapping a hand over Peter's mouth. “You were mugged.”

They got a few curious looks from around the room, and Remus waved his hand at Lily and her friends awkwardly, before they all walked out the door.

Once they were out, Sirius whacked Peter up the head with a scowl. “Brilliant, Peter. Nice to know who I can trust my secrets with.”

Peter's face was guilty. “I'm sorry, I think-” He burped. “I think I've got a sugar rush.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and turned away, shoving his hands into his pockets. He was heading in the direction of where he got attacked, and how could they be sure that the werewolf that had attacked Sirius wasn't one of those criminals that revisit the scene of the crime?

“Remus?” James said softly, while Peter stumbled off to throw up in the bushes.

“Hm?” Remus mumbled back, biting his lip nervously at Sirius' retreating figure.

James sighed. “He's going to be fine, Remus. I doubt he'll get _mugged_ again. I, however, _won't_ be fine, because I can feel my extremities freezing off.”

Remus nodded. “Yeah, I know, I just... What if he has a flashback?” Remus hated those, and had them often, until his parents decided move to spare him the anxiety.

There was a long pause. “Just go after him, then,” James said, his tone long-suffering. “You two are driving me prematurely senile, I swear to God.”

Remus ignored any intended implications and strode down the path after Sirius, following the footprints in the snow.

He was so focused on the footprints that he almost missed Sirius, but he looked up and found Sirius standing a meter or so from the path and with his head bowed.

Remus immediately recognised the area as where he had found Sirius' body, bloody and still, and there was a small moment where he thought _he_ would get a flashback.

“Sirius?” he called out softly, taking a step forward.

Sirius turned, and his face wasn't dark, or sad, or angry. It was just curious, just normal Sirius. “This was where you found me, right?” he asked.

Remus nodded. “Are you okay?”

Sirius shrugged a shoulder. “Sort of. I mean, it's kind of weird.” He looked back at the spot, before stepping back on the path. “Did you want something?” His lips were curling up slightly in a smile, that small smile that had been haunting Remus for _months_.

Remus shook his head, still staring at that patch of snow. “How are you so good at this, Pads? You're... You're better than I am. You handle it better.”

Sirius shrugged. “I have my friends,” he answered casually. There was a heavy silence, brief as it was. “And I have you. You make it easier, Remus.”

Remus' mind skipped like a broken record, hearing Sirius say his name over and over in that fond tone of his. “Do I?” he heard himself say.

Sirius ducked his head, and Remus would describe it as shy except this was _Sirius._ “Remus... I, uh... You know what, let's just head back to the castle.” He made a move to leave, and Remus grabbed his arm.

“Say what you want to say,” Remus told him gently.

Sirius looked down at where Remus' fingers were curled around his forearm, and Remus could feel the heat pooling in his cheeks but he didn't move, because he got the feeling that what Sirius wanted to say was important.

Sirius looked back up at Remus, their eyes meeting, and he could tell the moment Sirius seemed to make a decision. His face cleared and he cleared his throat. “I was going to Honeydukes,” he said, his voice low and hushed. “I was going to buy some chocolate.” His mouth quirked in a rueful smile. “A lot of chocolate, actually, and all of it heart-shaped. For you, Moony. I was going to wake you up in the middle of the night and take you to the astronomy tower, and give it all to you.”

“Wait,” Remus said faintly. “What?”

Sirius rolled his eyes and took a step closer, until their noses were brushing. Remus' brain was short-circuiting, his thoughts an incoherent jumble of _oh God, he's really close_. Sirius nudged Remus' nose with his nose, before their lips lightly brushed together. Remus let out a breath, almost tasting the hesitation in Sirius, and closed the rest of the distance – as slight as it was – between them, his hands curling in Sirius' robes as their mouths worked together.

He wasn't sure if his light-headedness had anything to do with the fact that _he was kissing Sirius_ , or if he was running out of breath, but he didn't want to stop, and even the thought of feeling the winter cold against his lips instead of Sirius' warmth made him press closer.

He was pretty sure the giddy, overwhelming feeling in his chest _was_ because he was kissing Sirius, because he was finally able to taste that sweet smile he had only before gotten a hint of.

Sirius pulled back with his hands on Remus' shoulders, his cheeks red. “Does that clear everything up for you?” he asked fondly, still too close.

Remus opened his mouth to reply, but it took him a while to gather his thoughts into words. “You... How did you know I... uh...”

“That you were bent?” Sirius shrugged, his mouth twisting into a lopsided smile. “Lucky guess.”

“But... _you_ like girls,” Remus stuttered out, his voice accusing.

Sirius dropped his arms lower to wind around Remus' waist and he pulled Remus closer, until their breaths mingled. “I like you more,” he replied, his voice quiet and earnest. “Do you like me, Moony?”

Remus let out a breath and with it months, _years,_ of longing, of stolen looks and hidden smiles. “Maybe,” he admitted, smirking at Sirius. “I could be persuaded. Chocolate _might_ work.”

* * *

“Lily Potter,” James mused. “We will have fifteen children. All names James Junior and James Junior Junior and James Junior Junior _Junior_ and James-”

Lily slapped a hand over her boyfriend's mouth and scowled. “Shut it, Potter.” She glared at Remus, who was lying by the fire in the common room and reading his Charms notes. “I can't believe you, Remus.”

Remus smirked. “Who said it was me?”

Lily shoved James off her when he started to lick her hand. “Because you're the best at love potions, you dick.”

Sirius snickered, and Remus felt it travel up his body from where his head was pillowed on Remus' stomach. “We should get one of those Muggle camero things.”

“Camera,” Remus corrected absent-mindedly, reaching down to pat Sirius' hair.

“ _Lily_ ,” James moaned. He pressed closer to her and delivered a kiss to her neck. “Lily, don't be mad at me.”

Lily sighed in defeat, letting James wrap his arms around her and rest his head on her shoulder. “We were meant to be studying, Lupin. He's got a Divination exam tomorrow.”

Remus shrugged. “I was bored.”

“Do you think you could make more love potion, Moony?” Sirius asked, his voice rough and sleepy. “For our senior year prank. We could make everyone fall in love with Snivellus, present company excluded. You're only allowed to fall in love with me.”

When Remus looked down at Sirius, his eyes were closed, and he looked like he was almost asleep. He brushed his fingers through his boyfriend's hair and leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead. “Of course,” he mumbled. “At least until your money runs out.”

Sirius snorted and reached up hand to blindly bat at Remus. “Tosser,” he muttered affectionately.

“So what's this year's senior prank?” Lily asked, taking James' hand out of her lap and trying to hold down a blush.

Sirius opened one eye and smirked at her. “I don't have a fucking clue. Maybe something to do with strippers. Which I will not enjoy one bit, because I am a happily taken man,” he added, looking up at Remus and grinning.

“Damn right,” Remus replied, carding his fingers through the knots in Sirius' hair.

“And he will reward me with kinky werewolf sex.”

“Ew,” Lily interrupted. “I don't need to hear about kinky werewolf sex, thank you.”

Sirius shrugged. “Your loss. It's amazing, by the way.” Remus laughed and tugged lightly at Sirius' hair, a signal to stop talking about their sex life. Unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on how you looked on it – he had to use that signal often.

“Lily Evans,” James sang. “Lily Potter-Evans. Lily Evans-Potter.”

Lily's scowl came back and she stood up abruptly, making James fall face-first into her legs. He wrapped his arms around them and looked up at her, and she tugged him up. “I'm taking him to Slughorn.” She gave Remus a dirty look. “And you're lucky I don't turn you in.”

“You love me too much,” Remus answered, giving her a cocky grin.

“She loves me more!” James insisted, not looking away from Lily as she dragged him out of the common room. He stumbled and tripped while stepping out from behind the painting.

“Alone at last,” Sirius murmured. His fingers curled around Remus' ankle. “Do you have any creative ideas for our solitude, Moony?”

“I do,” Remus replied lightly. “You can get your lazy arse off me while I'm trying to study.”

Sirius pouted. “You can read my notes later. I have amazing notes. Extensive notes. Substantial notes. Like my d-” Sirius broke off with a laugh as Remus whacked him in the face with his notes. “Come _on_ , Remus. It's Friday night, everyone else is at that stupid Slytherin party, and I just want a little summer lovin' from my boyfriend.”

“It's winter.”

“And you'd think that would be more incentive. Penguins huddle together for warmth.” Sirius turned around, resting his chin on Remus' stomach. “We should go see some penguins. I could be a penguin person. I'd feed them and play with them and everything.”

Remus' stomach clenched whenever Sirius pondered about the future. He was always going on about Muggle jobs, and though he wouldn't say it out loud, Remus could hear what he held back in his voice, that hopeful tilt as though he wanted Remus to think about Muggle jobs as well.

“I was thinking about being a librarian,” Remus said casually.

“Mate. Kinky nerdy werewolf sex.” Sirius paused. “Wait, seriously?”

Remus hummed, lying flat on the ground and staring at the ceiling. The fireplace was casting dancing shadows on it, and the common room only echoed their voices and the crackling of wood. It was peaceful, the tug of the full moon weeks away and faint.

“I thought you didn't want a Muggle job.” Sirius' voice was cautious and confused as sat up on his elbows, moving closer to Remus.

Remus looked up at him with a smile. “I never actually said that,” he replied. “And it's not like I could hold down a job in the wizarding community, being on the werewolf registry and all.”

Sirius' smile was genuine and sweet, and it made Remus' heart skip a beat, though he wouldn't admit it. “You'd be a great librarian,” he told Remus earnestly. “And we'd have amazing nerd sex.”

Remus snickered and shoved Sirius' face away. “You have a one-track mind, Pads. What do you want to be?”

Sirius frowned, his fingers playing with the hem of Remus' shirt. “Uh... what's the Muggle equivalent of an auror?”

Remus scoffed. “You want to go into law enforcement?”

“I could be great at it!” Sirius protested defensively, his mouth forming a large, offended O.

Remus grabbed Sirius' hands and interlocked their fingers, kissing the back of Sirius' hand. “No you couldn't be,” he mumbled. The warmth and the quiet was making him sleepy, making them both sleepy.

Sirius smiled, the kind of smile that could charm a mermaid's tail off (not that Remus would let him try, mermaids were savage). “What do you think I could be? A penguin person?”

“I don't know,” Remus answered around a yawn. “A dog walker?”

“ _Moony_ ,” Sirius moaned. “Be serious. Wait. Shut up,” he added when Remus smirked.

“Sirius, we've got all of next year to figure things out,” Remus reminded him. “We can just make out now and think about it later.”

When Sirius smiled like _that_ , his eyes wrinkled in the corners. Remus could describe a hundred of Sirius' smiles, down to how the butterflies in his stomach jumped when he saw each one. Or how the tug of the full moon seemed to bow under the feel of Sirius' lips on his. Sirius was grounding, he was a force that pulled at Remus like the wolf in him, made him want to lose control but in the best way. He was cold nights in front of the fire and cocky smirks in detention and that space between fevered make-outs and lazy kisses.

“Don't you have studying to do?” Sirius teased, inches from his face, his eyes light and happy.

Remus let out what could've been a growl of annoyance as his hand gripped Sirius' neck and pulled him in.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title from TV on the Radio's [Wolf Like Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5R_6aC6m9Xg&ab_channel=MiguelHuertas)
> 
> Thank you for reading!! My tumblr is [unadulterated-exasperation](http://unadulterated-exasperation.tumblr.com/) if you wanna drop me a line, but it's mainly Teen Wolf, Sense8, and Supernatural at the moment. Comments and kudos keep me going, and would be appreciated :D


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